Your room is done! Okay well not even close but the walls are done. We are not touching them again. It has been a lot of work, for your Dad, and we just need to say it is finished and move on. It looks great. So pretty and full of light. I cannot wait to decorate it. We are still waiting for the second crib to come and then I’m sure it will be crazy seeing two of those in there.

This week was pretty uneventful. I haven’t been feeling that great. Breathing and having panic attacks has become a real issue. We went to a Christmas Parade and I had a little panic attack. It is the worst feeling ever. And then I had another one when we got home and all I could think of was if I was hurting you. If you guys could breathe even if I couldn’t. You see, you already mean the world to me. I have this insane fear of losing both of you, or even one. You are my babies and I fully believe you chose me but I am terrified to lose you. I want you to bake in there for as long as you need but I also really want you out here in my arms so we can put all of this behind us and start living and loving together. Although I am so scared of you coming when you aren’t quite ready. It’s complicated haha. At least 34 weeks k!
Before we got to this point I used to feel like I could lose you at any point. That is still wasn’t real and I didn’t deserve you. And now that we have made it this far, which still blows my mind every single day, I feel like you could make your arrive any day now. It’s such a weird transition and feeling. I don’t feel ready, yet I feel so ready. I cannot wait to see what you look like. To figure out how to hold two babies at once. How to look at the face of the little girl(s) that I have dreamed of for so long. It overwhelms me with so much joy.

With that being said, babies your Mama is scared. I had a terrible delivery with Mason and I am scared to death for it to happen again, or be even worse. I am so scared that I have everything right at my finger tips with the chance of it all being taken away. I am very much an over analyzer of life. I try and plan everything down to the last detail and while I didn’t find labor bad at all, I now know how incredibly scary it is and how it can all change within seconds. I can’t plan it. What is going to happen has already been planned and decided for me. I just have to accept it and trust that it will all work out. But man is that scary to me. I’m not going to to go into more detail than that, just know that I am head over heels in love with you.

Okay that’s it. Can you tell your Mama is super hormonal over here. Jeesh! Sorry about that. I included a picture at the end to lighten the mood for you. True tales of being this pregnant haha.

Love you girls

Mom