Dear Diary – My Own Personal Rut

I am in a funk

I am in a rut

I am at the bottom of the bottom

I have no idea why. Okay, I have a few ideas. For one, we took a big huge step a few months ago, picked up our lives and moved 3 hours away. We did a lot of thinking about this and knew it was something we just had to do. I knew it would hurt my business but I knew that it would help my family life, which is the most important thing to me. We moved to be closer to family, which is in Medicine Hat. But now I honestly feel like we are in the in-between. Our good friends and business are in Edmonton, and our loving family is in Medicine Hat (and B.C. of course). We are in the middle of everyone, with no one. Why didn’t I think of this before? How did I not know I would feel this way? I guess I thought that being in the middle of everyone was better than being 6 hours away. I am not sure but I do know it is playing a big part in my funk.

Next would be this little bump growing on the front of my body. Happier than ever, don’t get me wrong, but hormones are a wonderful thing. I haven’t been sick or sad or anything like that. But I am sure it is contributing to my lack of motivation and creative spark, not to mention lack of energy.

And third would be, no one knows me. Nobody in Calgary, clients, models, or artists know how I am. Nobody knows NC Photography. I would put ads out when I was in Edmonton and get hundreds of hits. Since the move I hardly get any. I also don’t know who to go to to get started out. Call me spoiled and lucky because everything came a bit easy to me in Edmonton. I knew who to turn to. I knew who I could trust and I had a ton of resources. Wow is it ever a wake up call when all of these things are ripped away from you. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some amazing people reach out to me since we have moved, and I am so thankful for that, but it hasn’t been easy.

So today I sat here and asked myself what happened. What happened to me. What changed? Aside from what I noted above, something was different. So I took some time and went through my blog and Facebook page. I noticed something that was quite obvious.

I’m simply not shooting.

I went from shooting models in designer gowns with amazing artists to shooting only my weddings.

I realise that I have specialized in couples and this is what I love to do. But the creative artist in me needs the break. It needs to escape. It needs to be free and experiment.

I love working with new people and amazing talents, including models, mua and hairstylists. But I found it was taking a tole on me in Edmonton. So I stepped back. I stuck to my weddings and was happy with that, or so I thought.

Well, time is up.

In recent conversations with some great fellow photographer friends, my funk is coming to an end. They made me see things I knew were there but was almost afraid to admit.

I have disappeared.

My work is expected and no longer noticed or anticipated.

My light has gone out.

I have unintentionally “stepped back”.

So I am taking on a few new things and started out this year on a high note. I have some amazing creative sessions lined up with stunning models and fabulous artists. I actually haven’t been this excited to shoot in such a long time.

Aside from realising I need to get out and be creative again, I also realised I really REALLY need a challenge again.I have reached a point in my career that I am comfortable with how I shoot. I can handle any situation. I no longer really plan everything before heading out. I was COMFORTABLE and it was getting the best of me. So, I needed a challenge. I looked at my life, my new life, and where it is headed.

Mom land.

I am going to be a Mom. Wow, I think that is the first time I actually said that. Anyway, my life is changing so why not change a part of my business as well.

Every year in January I do a business plan. I talk to myself about things that worked in the previous year and things that didn’t. I talk about things I want to achieve and things I would love to do. This year was very very different for me. Last year it was to be featured in a magazine, on blogs, and to do styled sessions. I accomplished that. This year is to have an amazing work and home life balance so I can enjoy every piece of my new little family. I took on less weddings than I ever have in the past (this was very scary and hard for me) and I made a big decision. I will no longer just be specializing in couples. I will however still be specializing in LOVE. Squishy little type of love. ¬†I am taking on a new journey with newborn and maternity photography. This is one area I have always had interest in but have never been successful, in my eyes. I see all of these stunning newborn images and just wonder how they did that. With wedding photography, I can pretty much tell where the light was, what was edited ect ect. But the land of newborns has always stumped me. So this will be a huge challenge for me. Something I know absolutely nothing about. I kind of feel like I am starting over. It is nerve racking but also so incredibly exciting.

So 2013 is a whole new year for me. A new city. A new family. A new business journey.

I hope that you will all stick with me through it and enjoy my journey. Oh and thank you for being my personal journal for the day. I needed that!


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